I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
