you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize