SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
