youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
