oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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