You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I AM VODKA MAN
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
