Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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