no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
