That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
