Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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