Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
