My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
