you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
