i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
