took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
