I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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