He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
