man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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