I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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