Please, let me fuck your mom
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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