I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize