i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
