is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize