Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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