I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
