this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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