too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
