proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
