Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
