On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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