Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
All I want is dick and wine.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
