I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
