She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
