just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
