so that wasnt chicken after all
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
