I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
