she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
