She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
