just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i think i have two assholes
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
