My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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