UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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