I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
