Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
