I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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