Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
