and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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