dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
