So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The adults are the big ones right?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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