she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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