Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
