There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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