my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
