dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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