I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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