Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
