I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
