The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
