Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
