She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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