The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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