my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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