Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
