hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
