Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
