On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
