i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
