first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize