when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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