And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
